Random Rant: Maroon 5 “Payphone”

I’m not the biggest Maroon 5 fan but I’ve liked a few of their songs (not Moves Like Jagger – what? No, Adam, you do not have moves like Jagger. But I do Zumba to it, my darlings, I do indeed).  Their newest song, Payphone, is ridiculously catchy and gets stuck in my sad little brain.  I hate it, but I love it, but I hate it…

 

And what is all this about being at a pay phone?  Is it a song about time travel?  Where exactly IS this payphone?  1996?

 

How genius would that have been for a video idea? ADAM LEVINE GOES BACK IN TIME AND USES A PAY PHONE!  Genius, I say!  So I thought I’d Youtube the video and see how they solved the everyone has cell phone issue…

 

Warning: Explicit Lyrics, this is NOT the radio friendly edit

 

WHAT. THE. HECK!?!

 

And you thought my time travel idea was far-fetched?  Here is how I think this production meeting went down:

 

Director: We need a way for Adam to lose his cell phone.

Writer: Maybe he left it at home?  People do that.

Director: No! That isn’t exciting enough! Maybe it breaks when he is in a car crash!

Writer: Why is he in car crash? Just so we can have explosions? Maybe the phone gets damaged at a concert.  He could stage dive or something.

Director: He’s in a fiery car crash while running from the police … who are also in multiple fiery car crashes.

Writer: Why is Adam running from the police?

Director: Because he was in a bank robbery!

Writer: Adam is a bank robber now?  Is that really the image we want to send? Maybe he HAS the phone but he’s just out of his service area.

Director: No, he WORKS at the bank, then grabs the gun from one of the 7 or 8 bank robbers and runs – with a hot chick – through the bank, dodging bullets and only getting shot once (in the arm to prove he’s tough and can take it) and then runs, again dodging bullets, through the police barricade, cause they think he’s a bank robber, and then he ditches the girl behind a car, steals another car and leads the police (who are too dumb to realize the 7 or 8 ACTUAL BANK ROBBERS are still in the bank), crashes the car and destroys the phone!  Luckily, the crash occurs right by a …. wait for it … pay phone!

Writer: So I don’t get it, who is he calling? The girl he rescued and then ditched?  Or someone else?

Director: It doesn’t really matter. It’s art!

Writer: What if he just time travels to 1996, that’d be a cool video.

Director: No! Too far fetched! I like my idea.

Writer: Mmmmkay, I’m just gonna go ahead and quit now, cause I can see actual “writing” is not what’s really required for this video script.

 

But you know what? I still like the song.

 

Though don’t get me started on the rap breakdown… is “cars starting with the push of a button” really the ultimate sign of success in our society?

I miss 1996.

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4 thoughts on “Random Rant: Maroon 5 “Payphone”

  1. Pardon me while I wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes…

    I do not even feel the need to watch this video now… nothing could be better than that summary!

    Random payphone related info: I had some friends who used to take pictures of “payphones in the wild” when they saw one in a public space.

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